Ah yes. I think this is inherent in our western culture!!
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I am definitely my biggest obstacle. As I have come to understand the ‘way it all is’ it’s ultimately my responsibility and my doings that create my own karma and on a larger scale, being a part of the One, I understand that there is only One of Us and It’s only getting in Its own way. I have a lot of habit energies, using cannabis is a major one that I feel has now become a hindrance more than a help. I categorized it as medicine but, like Alan Watts famously said, once you get the message, hang up the phone. I’m struggling to hang up that phone and it lends to other negative habits which lead to feeling a fall from grace. I have a lot of work to do and no one else but me is stopping me anymore. Oh, and the fact that I feel completely isolated on my journey. I have no one to speak with about this path I’ve been on and my significant other and children do their best to understand but I’ve basically given up trying to include anyone else and seek anyone else who can relate and just keep moving forward.
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Hello @Robert_McDonald , I am on the same path, and I wanted to share something which was of great insight to me.Ramdass talks on addiction and attachment.Be kind to yourself and always begin again!
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There is so much wonderfulness sharing here. Thank you. I recognize so much of my own resistance in your words. Fear of rejection and ridicule is a big one for me. Also, feeling angry at others for unkindness/selfishness. I find myself wanting to close off if I can sense that others are taking advantage of me. I find it hard to keep my heart open because of how other people treat me and others. I focus too much on the “flawed” things people do and use it as a reason to distance myself and want to protect myself. Then I feel alone.
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Dropping in my heart is scary. My sensitivity lives there. My gentle lives there and I am wildly afraid to let that be seen, to trust I can keep myself safe. Mostly learned behaviors from big disappointments. The fear is encompassing every moment and I feel like I am unable to do anything aligned with my heart. I have been taught it’s not safe to be in my heart, that I’m emotional or too much and I shut it all down. I’m here to wake that back up, to trust that heart of mine.
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Ooh I love this framing and resonate with it. Softness is not celebrated in our society and it’s not seen as strength. We learn to steer away from our softness for various reasons and through various experiences. It’s seen as weak, when really our softness is the bravest, strongest, most true and rewarding choice. I hope we can all remember how to cultivate it together.
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Well said. Central to the practice
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The simplicity to be able to begin again often keeps me from the sweetness of living in my Heartspace more consistently. When I forget, get caught up, or distracted I forget I can just take a breath and come home again.
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I’m not sure what keeps me from it. It’s such a simple practice. Maybe the overwhelm of the season I’m in. Child bearing, young kids, householder. Perhaps just lack of consistency on my part.
But I try my best, and I am very gentle on myself about that.
I heard somewhere, I believe on Krishna Das radio, it said something along the lines of… “surrender isn’t something you do, surrender is something that happens”
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For me, as for most, I have lived in survival mode the majority of my life. As of very recent I have felt the internal shifts that are calling me to break the cycles and I have been trying to organize my life to where I no longer feel the innate pull of thinking I have to do, do, do to ‘make it’ in this world.
I am just 34 but my internal pulse is slowing down, reminding me I don’t have to live in this constant state of high alert - like all I want to do is put my feet in dirt every second of the day, sit and talk with the plants and trees, and listen to the birds while I letting the sun drench my skin.
I feel like I get pulled out of the true natural way of life (stillness, awe, wonder) because I am holding on to the fear of judgement, fear of not knowing enough to take the ‘plunge’, and I guess, just not being supported. In summary, what keeps me from not living in the heart fully is the lack of trust in the self.
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Ahhh, Daniel, your words are like a swift arrow of truth, to the heart. I say with with great humility, and a desire to change and grow in this area. I see my own tendency to easy take umbrage if I feel mistreated, disrespected, or invisible (especially in my family of origin). And I like how you worded it “I put them out of my heart.” (and there begins the separation…the us/them. Good/bad. Right/wrong. In other words, Pain City.)
I notice that whenever I feel threatened (whether it’s my self-esteem, pride, security, or my ambition for a certain outcome) I have now entered dangerous territory. And my primitive brain steps up, instead of my wise mind. Right there, that is my work. And inserting a “pause” before reacting has been the only saving grace. I am a work in progress.
If I allow the gift of time to reveal to me what I need to do, I am better off. Sometimes my answer has been to actually do NOTHING. To observe. To breathe. To ask, “Is this MY problem, or am I making it my problem?” No one is helped when I bring a plate full of “moral outrage” to the table. That’s a slippery slope. (In the spirit of honesty here, I am probably getting a little high, a sense of power or a “rush to the head” from feeling my own anger.) That is a habit that must be curbed, if I want to live a life of helpful service. I am earnestly wishing to work on that.
Love how you said this: “I now try to use any inner reactivity as an opportunity to more clearly see attachment and offer it to Kali. Letting go of the idea that the world should be other than exactly as it is, has been immensely important in opening my heart.”
WOW. I love love love that!! Perhaps it’s too long for a tattoo on my arm… but oh my stars, that would be a good one. Many thanks.
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Thanks Dana. I just wrote something about myself and said ‘I was awake at a very young age but got distracted by the shiny objects of life’. You reminded me that we ALL were awake in the early years. That gave me a smile and really emphasized how important community is. We are all working on ourselves but we are far from alone. Thanks!
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I love that quote. And I think so many of us can relate to getting in our own way with our habits that feel like a fall from grace.
Isolation does not help. I’m glad you are here. I hope you can come to the community calls. And please sign up for the fellowship so you can have consistent connection with people. Glad to be here with you!
I can relate to this so much! thank you for sharing!
So well said! And this deep desire to protect it from this world that somehow learned not to honor it as a sacred thing!
Love this! Thank you for sharing!
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What a practice. The “being”. It feels so right doesn’t it?!?!?
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YEs. Such wisdom. Thank you for sharing this practice!!
Unfortunately I work during the community calls and my lunch doesn’t align with them. How do I go about joining the fellowship?
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My fear of conflict, rejection, abandonment and humiliation, of ending up alone feeling worthless. My desire to please in order to avoid conflict, rejection, abandonment and humiliation.
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