Writing here as I am in a pickle and would appreciate any insights or experiences you may be able to share. My wife of 5 years (whom I’ve lived with for the last 10 years) is 36 years old and got a rather unexpectedly urgent and very strong, persistent desire to have a kid. We don’t have children yet (only a lovely dog.)
We have some communication issues and I really don’t feel that being a parent is my path. I feel very sorry to see her so upset that unlike “normal human beings” I’m very reluctant to do this. I’ve suggested parting ways in view of this seemingly irreconcilable difference, but she seems very unwilling to do so.
We had our first child when I was 35. I was ready as I had spent much of my life pursuing my goals. My life was changed and I had to become a new person completely different from who I though I was though I knew I wanted to a Father.
Parenthood called me into realms I would not have otherwise been able to experience. It brought forth issues in my marriage of fidelity, honesty, compromise(!), forgiveness and growth in ways I could not have imagined (many of which I failed at). But the most amazing thing was, despite the difficulties through the years (38 though she died 2 years ago) was our commitment to our children (now 30 and 38). Sometimes we reached what we thought was the end of our road together yet neither of us would end it. We had to find away and so forgiveness became the lesson.
You may think you don’t want a child but you can’t imagine the love that will blossom in you when you first hold your child. And for the rest of your life, they will present you with the most poignant lessons. Go forth and learn.